


It's Hard To Be Gentle

by R_rated26



Series: Various Sex Scenes (One shots) [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Control, Control Issues, F/M, Hair-pulling, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Intimacy, Lust, Oral Sex, POV Female Character, POV First Person, POV Male Character, Passion, Romance, Struggle, Struggle To Be Gentle, taking it slow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 16:23:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10031672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_rated26/pseuds/R_rated26
Summary: Dean and his female companion have finally decided to become a couple. But as the clothes are discarded and they get going, they realize that after “A Dangerous Misunderstanding” (You can read itHere) Dean’s female companion still feels sore after the raw (dub-con, borderline non-con) sex and they need to take it slow. But can Dean control his deep wild need for her without hurting her again?Get it first from the female characters POV, then Dean's POV.





	1. Chapter 1

I woke up an hour before we arrived 

“Did you sleep well?” Dean asked me with what looked like a smile on his face. His mood had improved a lot after I agreed to be his girlfriend. I wasn’t sure I liked it actually. He, getting his will like that. 

“Naah, not really,” I admitted. Though I hated to admit it, it was a comfortable silence until we reached a decent looking motel.

I went to get a room while Dean parked the car. It felt odd when I said, “King size, please.” Not only because it was the first time I on my own had ordered it, but this was the first time since we had agreed that we were a couple. 

_Excuse me, you mean pushed you into being a couple._

Just stop. Right now. I can’t deal with you too. 

I convinced myself I just had to get used to it. I let Dean carry the baggage to our new room, Wasn’t that what you let your boyfriend do? While I threw myself on the bed and kicked off my boots. I felt torpid. 

Why did motels have to look so abnormal? Why couldn’t they just look like a traditional bedroom or living room? They always had to have colors obscure from fashion. Probably because we always choose the cheapest one we could find. 

When Dean had carried all our stuff into our new motel room, he laid down on the bed next to me. I didn’t see him lie down because I had my eyes closed, but I felt the bounce onto the mattress from his body. We laid like this for a couple of minutes in silence. 

“We should probably consummate the relationship. You know, make it official.” Dean’s voice was filled with humor, but it was with a dirty underlying tone. 

“You’re such a jackass.” But I couldn’t hold back a giggle, my annoyance towards him diminished. It was the silly way he had said it that made me giggle. Like pretended to be all serious, but it was so overacted you could easily hear it was meant as a joke, but his eyes underlined the dirtiness of it. Without hesitation, he rolled on top of me, cupped my face, and kissed me softly. He kissed me with a tenderness I had never experienced before. It was really in contrast to last time. My hands glided up his shoulders and neck to intertwine in his hair. His lips worked slowly against mine, his tongue found mine and almost lazily stroked, and played with mine. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and in response, his hand that would normally grab my hair moved up and stroked it instead, and I released my hair from the braid. 

We laid there and kissed much longer than we use to, or have ever done before. He rubbed slowly up and down me with his bulge in long strokes. It was clear he wasn’t in a hurry. At some point, it reminded me of a high school make out. You know, the ones where you never reach third base, just to use the word appropriate for that context. 

My hands started to explore his chest, shoulders, and arms, and in the process, I got his jacket pushed farther and farther down until it rested on his elbows. Without our lips parting, he shook it off and threw it on the floor. He rested his weight on his left forearm on the mattress next to my head as his mouth started to trace kisses down my chin to my neck. It was slow and soft like he had all the time in the world. I just closed my eyes, leaned my head back to give him easier access and sighed satisfied now and then, which he accompanied. My hands found his shoulders and back, and started to stroke him as gently as he treated me. I felt a shiver run through his body. 

After kissing every inch of my neck, he went up to my ear. The warmth of his breath made me shudder against him. I heard the clinging of his teeth against my two earrings shortly after I felt them on my earlobe. It didn’t hurt, it was just a teasing feeling. 

My hands now traveled down his back, found the edge of his t-shirt, and started to pull it up. When I had gotten it up to his shoulders, he grabbed the neck with one hand, pulled the rest over his head, and threw it to the floor too. Then he looked down at me with his bright green eyes and a crooked smile on his lips. I saw the lust in them, the always present smoldering anger at the edges, and something… caring, I couldn’t really find the right word for it. And before I could think more about it, he rolled off me, took my left hand, and guided me on top of him. It was nothing like those times where he had just rolled over and dragged me with him. 

When I sat astride him, he laid a hand around my neck and pulled me into a kiss before his hands ran from my stomach up to my breasts. I thought he would give them some attention, but he glided past them to my collarbone, pushed me up into a sitting position, led his hands farther up to my shoulders, and under my jacket to get it off. 

When my jacket hit the floor, he proceeded to my top. Found the edge and pulled it over my head, he again pulled me closer into a kiss with a hand around my neck, the other laid on my waist, above the waistband of my jeans. From this position, I could easier rub against him, he was already hard. 

His hands were all over my body, they were so warm against my skin, stroking delicately in circles until there wasn’t an inch he hadn’t touched. The more he touched me, the more the electricity started to spark and spread in me. Now it was my turn to kiss his neck and chest. I watched as my mouth explored his body. Noticed when he shuddered, stiffened, and moaned. I let my hands help, let them trace in the wake of my mouth. My lips and tongue played with his nipples, I knew he liked that, and he let me know by writhing and moaning. I reached his stomach, every time I hit a sweet spot with either my mouth or hands, his abs appeared as his body stiffened or shuddered. It was exciting to see what I did to him, it really turned me on to see him writhe like that because of my touch, and it was different than what we used to do. 

Reaching the edge of his jeans, I let my tongue run along the waistband before I started to unbuckle his belt. I opened his jeans, and when I started to pull them and his boxers down he helped me get them off him. At some point, he had kicked his boots off, but I hadn’t noticed when that had happened. I crawled back up, my knees lining up with his, and placed my elbows on each side of his hips. Biting my lip in anticipation and then let my tongue run all the way up his shaft, his hands grabbed the sheets as he stiffened and moaned. I wrapped my right hand around him. It sent another shiver through his body, and I couldn’t help but smile. I was in control for a change. I took the tip of him into my mouth and started to work slowly up and down. At first, it was only an inch of him I had in my mouth, but I took more and more for every time my head went down. One of his hands started to grab my hair, not hard, he just let his fingers run through it, messed around with it, but didn’t put any pressure on me on taking him deeper or faster. 

I just worked in my own tempo, mixed it up a little, and felt how he sometimes stiffened up and bucked his hips slightly upwards. I listened to his moans, his deep breath that became uneven. He let out small gasps when I did something that felt extra good. I varied it widely; took him as deep as I could – it wasn’t all the way – only going up and down on the tip before returning to take him as deep as I could, twisted my hand and mouth in cooperation. Shifted in the pressure, and how hard I sucked on him too. 

I was in my own world, just concentrating on and enjoying the feeling of his smooth hardness in my mouth when he suddenly clutched onto a fistful of my hair and shoved my head down on his length with a grunt. Now forcing his shaft to the back of my throat, closing my airways and held me there. It was deeper than I could handle, I started gagging, and pushed up against his grip with my head and my hands on the mattress. His hips shot up and pushed him farther down my throat with another grunt, my eyes began watering. I couldn’t deep throat, but it felt like he was determined to try and make me. As unexpectedly as he had grabbed onto me, he pulled my head back by my hair far enough for his length to leave my mouth completely and I gasped for air. 

“Sorry, sorry...” He apologized as he released his grip in my hair. I would have said ‘what the hell?’ but I was still trying to catch my breath. 

He looked shamefully at me. “Sorry, are you okay?” His voice was caring, and he looked worried. It was clear he hadn’t done it on purpose, perhaps I teased him too much instead of just bobbing up and down in a steady pace. I nodded because of the fact that I was still panting, and wiped the tears away from the corner of my eyes. 

He took my right hand, intertwined his fingers with mine, and gently pulled me closer until the back of his hand was on the mattress next to his head, and I rested my weight down on our hands and on my right forearm on the other side of his head. His right hand laid around my neck, and he kissed me on the cheek, my jawline, and under my ear. He whispered he was sorry again, and nuzzled his nose against my skin, it sent a new wave of electricity down my spine. I turned my head to kiss him. Maybe he was saying sorry for last time, but who knows. It was nice for a change, but if it were like this every time, I could imagine I would get bored eventually. It was healthy to shake things up a bit. 

He unhooked my bra, and I threw it to the floor before his left arm traveled down to lay around my waist and pushed me to the side, down from him, and got on top of me again. He kissed a line down between my breasts – oh, it felt good, and I shivered – over my stomach and down to the edge of my jeans while his hands traced down my sides. He opened them, and started to pull them down along with my panties, but stopped when the waistband reached my upper thighs. 

“Did I do this?” He whispered and looked appalled at my hips that were still scattered with bruises after last time. 

Who else, genius?

“Um… yeah,” I replied flatly, and my eyes dropped from his, but not before I had seen his appall morph into regret. 

“Oh, God...” He whispered even lower. I sighed slightly uncomfortable, I would rather not think of what caused those bruises. 

His hands laid gently on each side of my hips, bowed down, and tenderly kissed them. First, the left, his lips brushed over my skin followed by his nose, and then his lips placed soft kisses again. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered so low against my skin I barely heard it, but I felt the breath of his words. I looked down at him, he had closed eyes, and he looked like he was in pain. I only looked at him for a few seconds before I let my head fall back onto the bed and closed my eyes. Tried to push the uncomfortable memories flickering in my mind aside. 

He shifted between kisses and nuzzling his nose against my skin for what felt like a couple of minutes until he moved on to my right by setting a trail of kisses over my lower abdomen to get there. He gave it the same caring treatment from his lips and nose. My discomfort slowly vanished, and I began moving underneath him. Lightly pushing upwards and twisting my hips. My thumbs slid under the waistband of my jeans and panties and started to pull them down. 

He placed one last firm kiss on my right hip before he took over and pulled them the rest of the way off me along with my socks. Then crawled back up to me, but stopped when he reached my hips. He put his middle and ring finger in his mouth before he let them glide inside me. I inhaled sharply, and my back arched involuntarily. It felt good, but it stung a little, I was still sore from… last time. 

At first, he led his fingers slowly in and out of me, and it helped. The stinging was soon only searing. His tongue started to lick me, and he then bent his fingers and put more pressure up against the upper wall of me, it made me grab the sheets and moan. My back arched more and more under his skilled treatment until it wasn’t touching the mattress anymore. I leaned my weight on my palms on the mattress, my back bent backward, and threw my head back in a loud moan. 

His fingers still worked slow, but firmly inside me in waving motions, rubbing the upper wall of me. His tongue worked in different patterns, but still gently. 

“Mmh… harder…” I moaned, my climax didn’t approach as fast as I would like it to. His fingers applied more pressure and worked faster and stronger inside of me, now I only felt the pleasure his fingers brought me. His tongue licking me briskly. 

His increased efforts made me erupt in higher cries and started to buck my hips in a steady rhythm until his left hand slid under my thigh and grabbed my waist, not my hip as I had expected. He couldn’t control my movements as strictly as if it had been my hip he had grabbed. Gently he started sucking while his tongue ran over me in waves, matching the rhythm of his sucking. 

“Oh God, yes!” I cried out. My sweet release approached faster. My legs that were bent at the knees, started to press against him. As if it was a cue, he moved his shoulders up between my knees to keep them apart, his fingers accelerated their movements inside of me, and his tongue now worked in an agile tempo. 

It made me fall back down onto the mattress, but my back remained curved as I grabbed the sheets and threw my head back. “Yes! Right there!” I wailed. My breath became more uneven and panting for every second the closer I got. I felt my legs tensing and quivering against his body. For every time I bucked my hips upwards, he accompanied with a deep moan. The vibration of his voice tickled and added to my pleasure. 

“Don’t… stop… please… keep… going… please…” I incoherently pushed out in between my frantic panting breath, cries, and lip biting until I exploded in a high drawn-out cry, as the orgasm emitted in my body, arching my back farther, pushing down towards his sweet touch that kept on going. My legs were shaking from the strain of clamping together on his shoulders, my fingers frantically clutched onto the sheets and pulled. My cry slowly winded down to a soft whimper as he slowed his touch in harmony with the orgasm coming to an end. 

My back sank back onto the mattress and relaxed. My fingers opened their steel grip in the sheets, and my legs slumped against his body, and his experienced fingers and mouth came to a stop. He pulled his fingers out and his lips started to kiss their way up my body as he slowly climbed on top of me. Up my stomach, my flushed chest, and neck, and ended at my chin where he stopped and put his wet fingers of his right hand into his mouth and started to suck. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my hands around his neck. He led them in and out his mouth two times, drew them out, and led them to my mouth. I opened willingly up, and his fingers glided into my mouth so I could taste myself. Gently guided them in and out my mouth. When they were clean, he pulled them out and let them drag a wet trail down my chin and throat. With his left hand, he cupped my face while the other guided him into me, and then laid on my waist. 

With a whimper, I threw my head back as my body twitched when he entered because of a combination of being sensitive after my orgasm, but it also stung much more than when it was only his fingers inside me. I took a sharp breath of pain through my clenched teeth while he slowly pushed himself fully into me, stretching me. 

“You okay?” He asked with a frown and held still inside me, his thumb stroked my cheek. 

I stopped clenching my teeth, it only prickled now when he didn’t move. “Yeah, it’s just…” I looked at him and swallowed loudly. “…I’m sore.” I bit my lip with a frown, awaiting his reaction. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to, today I hadn’t seen a hint of that brute he was last time. Okay, maybe when he shoved my head down on him, but it was only a few seconds, other than that he had been so gentle with me today. 

“Do you wanna stop?” He asked and his frown deepened. 

I don’t know why, but suddenly I felt so relieved. He cared about my wellbeing. “No. But can we just… take it slow?” I asked. 

A smile played on his lips. “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?” He raised his eyebrows, and now the smile noticeably pulled up in the corner of his mouth. 

“Good point.” I felt a smile spread on my face before he shortly pressed his lips against mine. 

He slowly glided out and pushed into me again with a small moan. It stung when he did, my intake of breath was sharp, but it wasn’t only painful, it was good too. When he was deepest inside me, he held still again and our gazes met. “Tell me if you wanna stop.” He said intensely. His eyes kept mine in place. 

“I will.” I nodded. 

He sealed his lips to mine when he pulled out, released my lips and looked down on me when he gently glided back into me. My lips parted in a silent moan. He kept his tender pace, shifted between kissing me softly and looking into my eyes. Soon he started to groan throatily every time he glided into me the longer we went on, but it was muffled because he clenched his teeth and pressed his lips together. A deep frown marked his forehead, and it looked like he concentrated really hard on something. 

Was it this much a strain to be gentle to me? But it stung less and less for every time he went into me, it morphed into a searing instead. Small moans or gasps escaped me when he pushed into me. The electricity tickled in my stomach, this was very intimate. Not that the other times weren’t, but this was something else. Like in another category, and they couldn’t be compared, they each had their advantages. 

His pace continued uniformly without a stop for so long his forehead became damp. I let my hands run over his forehead to wipe it away. His whole body felt hot and sweaty against mine, his breath panting out through his clenched teeth, or heavily out his nose when he pressed his lips together. I think it was really a struggle for him to be this gentle, but he had enough self-control to keep going like this. Over his shoulder, I got a quick glance at the clock. He had been at it for at least half an hour. I started to feel slightly guilty. I just laid here and did nothing while he did all the work and struggled. It still prickled between my legs, it was somehow uncomfortable, but it didn’t hurt. 

My hips started to tilt with him in his rhythm, but not as violently as they usually bucked. “You can go a little harder,” I said and again wiped his damp forehead. His heated body against mine made me sweat the places where our skin was in contact; my chest, stomach, hips, inner thighs and knees, my calves at his ass, his hand at my waist and the other caressing my cheek and neck. 

“Okay.” He nodded and pushed slightly harder into me, it made it sting again, but it was bearable. 

His breath became more panting after a couple of minutes. He closed his eyes and let his forehead fall down on my chest. I felt his panting breath against my skin. Saw his back muscles work under his skin. The stinging had again stopped. “A little harder,” I said, my fingers nuzzled around in his damp hair at the back of his neck. 

He glided out, reached the apex, and pushed slow, but more firmly into me. Pushed as deep into me as he could, and then kept pushing, moving my whole body an inch up the mattress, eliciting a higher moan from me. His right hand left my hip, slipped in under my lower back, and held my waist firmly. Dragged my body the inch with him down again when he glided out. He leaned his head back and looked down on me when he firmly pushed deep into me, pushing my body an inch up again, and dragged it back down with him again. I could feel that the backside of my body had become sweaty too. 

His hand that rested on my neck traveled to the back of my head, and he grabbed a fistful of hair, but he kept his steady pace. He stopped clenching his teeth and opened his mouth slightly, tilting his head backward, releasing his panting breath and grunts. Then let his tongue run over his lower lip before his teeth dug into it and then slowly let it go again. His eyes dark with lust, looking down at me with heavy eyelids. I felt his arm tighten around my waist as he let out a hoarse grunt when he pushed into me again. 

“Are you close?” I whispered. Not because I wanted him to be done, but his hand in my hair and the tightened grip on me tipped me off. He dug his teeth into his lower lip again and nodded. “Then you can go harder, but not too hard,” I told him. 

His teeth let go of his lower lip, closed his eyes, it looked like he breathed a sigh of relief and let his head drop to my chest. He pushed harder into me with a strained grunt, eliciting a high gasp from me. It stung. The next push into me was a notch harder, and I cried out. He leveled his head and looked down on me. Though he fucked me harder than in the beginning, this was still gentler than any of the other times. When he went deep into me again, he tightened his grip in my hair. The next was again harder, it made me whimper, and I pulled in his hair. 

“I’m done in a minute.” He panted. I nodded, giving him permission to continue, and clenched my teeth together. His head dropped, and I felt his teeth run over the skin on my collarbone when he pushed harder into me three more times, and then jolted deep into me with a throaty groan when he came and released inside me, eliciting a high pitched cry from me when it hurt. 

“You okay?” He panted against my skin, his forehead was still leaned against my chest. 

“Yeah.” I panted too and stopped clenching my teeth. I felt sore, but it was bearable. It hurt slightly when he pulled himself out. 

He lifted his head and kissed me softly. Removed his arm from my waist and hair to cup my face between his hands. As he released my lips and laid his head on my chest, his hands fell from my face to the mattress. I closed my eyes and felt how tired my body was, but it was in a different way. 

_Maybe because he didn’t beat the crap out of you this time._

Why can’t you just shut up? I rolled my eyes behind my closed eyelids. I let my left hand remove some of the sweat from my forehead and sighed. 

We laid like this for a couple of minutes while our breathing returned to normal. I felt Dean lift his head, and I opened my eyes to look at him. He rested his head in his right palm, propped up on his elbow. “You look tired.” He said and let his left index finger swipe over my nose. 

I sighed again. “You do too.” I let my left index finger boop his nose too. He gave me a wry smile, quickly kissed my lips, and got off me. 

“Roll over.” He ordered softly and nodded sideways with his head as he grabbed the blanket I was partially lying on. 

“I’m not a dog.” I chuckled but did as he said. He pulled the blanket out from under me, I rolled back, and he tucked me in under it. Before turning off the lights, he kissed my nose and got under the blanket on his side. 

He grabbed me under the covers and pulled me into his embrace. “I need you.” He mumbled into my hair. 

“I need you too,” I said and fell asleep shortly after.


	2. His side of things

“Did you sleep well?” I asked when she opened her eyes. I smiled, I actually surprised myself. 

“Naah, not really.” 

I knew she didn’t like to sleep in the car, she never slept well in it. I knew she was tired, so I let her relax until we reached a motel an hour later. 

I dropped her off at the reception and parked the car. Grabbed as much as I could carry, and followed her to the room. She immediately threw herself onto the bed. She looked exhausted. So I decided to go grab the last of our stuff by myself. 

When I came back, she had kicked off her boots, but other than that, she hadn’t moved. I laid down next to her and looked at her. She was so beautiful. I wanted to fuck my girlfriend. This time it felt different. It wasn’t because I needed her because of the demons, I just wanted her. And I would always need her, demons or no demons. “We should probably consummate the relationship. You know make it official.” I said sarcastically, the lightness made me joke. 

“You’re such a jackass.” She giggled, that sound made me smile. 

God, I wanted her. I rolled on top of her, put my hands on her cheeks, and kissed her gently, her hands moved up and into my hair. I wanted her slow, deep, and devotedly. And to make up for last time, I still felt bad every time I looked at that bruise on her cheekbone, though I knew she had forgiven me. She wrapped her legs around me. I still wanted a hold on her, but I stroked her hair instead of grabbing it. It was also difficult to grab it when she had braided it, but shortly after, she released her hair from the braid. Her hair was wavy after it had been in a braid for so long. I started to rub slowly against her. I just wanted to lie here and kiss her forever. I really enjoyed the feeling of her soft lips against mine. Her tongue slowly against mine. 

Her hands moved from the back of my neck down to my chest. Her angel light touch felt amazing. They moved up to my shoulders and started to push my jacket down. When she had pushed it down to my elbows, I shook it off me and down to the floor. I wasn’t in a rush. I would lie here with her forever. I started to kiss a path from her mouth, down her chin, and down to her neck. She leaned her head back to give me more room to work on. Every kiss lasted a few seconds, giving me time to really appreciate her soft skin under my lips. And her smell… Mmm. I moaned. 

She sighed now and then, like when I had massaged her. Her hands started to caress my back. It was the same angel light touch. It reminded me of the first time I had kissed her. That memory along with her touch made me shiver blissfully while I kissed her neck. When I moved up to her ear, she shivered too. I gently bit her earlobe. I was already hard, but the raw, animalistic need hadn’t overwhelmed me yet. I was too busy adoring her. My girlfriend. 

I felt her hands move down my back and grabbed my t-shirt to pull it over my head. When she had pushed it up to my shoulders, I grabbed the collar and pulled it over my head. Now where I had been forced to let my lips leave her skin, I looked down at her and smiled. Her hair was messy, and she looked up at me with that lusty look I loved. She was beautiful, and she was mine. I wanted to look more at her before I got completely lost in her. I wanted her on top of me so that I could enjoy the beautiful view. As I rolled off her, I took her hand and guided her on top of me. My lips already longed for hers. My hand found her neck and dragged her down to mine. I was split between looking at her, and kissing her. I wanted both things equally right now. It was hard to choose. 

I let my hands run from her stomach up to her shoulders and pushed her up into a sitting position. Realizing she still had her jacket on, so my hands ran up to her shoulders, and slowly pushed it off her. Wanting to touch more of her. More of her captivating soft pale skin. I pulled the top over her head too and laid my left hand on her waist. God, she was beautiful. 

I pulled her into a kiss again with the other hand on her neck, and she started to rub against me. I felt the lust rush through my veins, I abreacted by touching her. Touch everything in my reach while I kissed her deeply. Her neck, tangled my fingers into her hair, capturing her face, stroke her cheeks, down her neck again. Her collarbone, her breasts, down her stomach, circled around her hips, up her back to press her against me. Grabbed her ass, down her thighs to her knees, and up again. At some point, while touching her, I pushed off my boots. 

She tore her lips from mine, moved them down to my neck, and kissed a path down my chest. Her hands started to explore my body as well as her lips did. I closed my eyes and just leaned back. This was heaven. Her touch made me shudder, writhe, and moan, especially when she used some extra time on my nipples. She really took her time. It was wonderful. The lust and need pulsated through my veins, but I wanted to prolong this as long as possible. I never wanted it to end. It was like this reinforced the temporary encapsulation around the demons inside me. 

She let her tongue run against the waistband of my jeans before she started to unbuckle my belt. It made another rush run through me. I started to feel the need to take her hard as I helped her pull down my jeans and boxers. She crawled up and let her tongue run all the way up my member before her hand wrapped around me too. 

Oh God, yes! Without noticing it, I had grabbed the sheets and moaned out loud. The lust and need burned through me. I looked down at her and saw her smile right before she took me in her mouth. She started slow, only working at the top, but slowly worked her way down. 

God, she could do something with her mouth. I wanted to grab her hair, I felt the need to grab her hair but restrained myself and just nuzzled gently around in it. Constantly she changed the rhythm, the place, the pressure. It was impossible to predict any of her movements. It was wonderful instead of just working at the same pace. She really put some effort into it. I think it was the best blowjob I had gotten in my life, she made me moan like a little bitch. 

As I just laid back and enjoyed it, the lust and need suddenly overpowered me, I had let go and was lost in her delightful handling of me. It struck right when I least expected it, my hand tightened its grip in her hair, and I shoved her down on me with a grunt. She started to gag and push up against my grip, but I held her in place. With my hips, I pushed myself deeper down her throat when another wave burned through me. 

What the fuck are you doing? At that thought, I regained the control. Pulled out of her mouth and released her hair, but it was already too late. Fuck! “Sorry, sorry…” I heard her gasp for air. “Sorry, are you okay?” I asked her, I think she looked a little offended. 

God, I felt bad. That was a jackass move, Dean! What the hell were you thinking? 

I wasn’t thinking, that was the problem. 

Finally, she nodded, she was still panting, and she wiped a couple of tears away from her eyes. I took her hand, interlaced my fingers with hers, and dragged her face up to mine by her hand until she was resting her weight down on her arm next to my head, and on my hand on the mattress at the other side of my head. My free hand traveled to her neck, and I kissed her cheek, chin, jawline, up to her ear, while she caught her breath. “I’m sorry,” I whispered into her ear. 

God, I was a jackass. I didn’t need to do more shit to her than I had already done. I still needed to make up for that, but if I continued like this, the list was never going to end. 

I let my nose run against her skin, just inhaled her intoxicating smell. She turned her head and kissed me, I think I was forgiven. But it was still a jackass move. It was a privilege, and I took advantage of the situation. You just don’t do that! But her kiss slowly drove the thoughts away. Feeling the need to return the favor I unhooked her bra, which she threw to the floor, before I grabbed around her waist, pushed her off me and laid on top of her. 

Oh, I loved seeing her underneath me. Kissing a path down her neck, slowly between her beautiful round and full breasts, and down her stomach until I reached her jeans. Opened them and pulled them down along with her panties, but I stopped when I reached her thighs and frowned. 

Her hips were bruised. 

“Did I do this?” I whispered though I knew the answer. I felt the guilt roaming inside me. 

“Um… yeah.” She replied monotonously, I noticed she looked away. 

This too? Wasn’t her cheekbone enough, and her neck? I’m awful. I’m awful to her. Why’s she still here? Why hadn’t she run far away from me by now? I wasn’t aware of how hard I had actually taken her, but this… this is living proof of just how thoroughly sadistic I apparently am. “Oh, God…” How could she forgive me for this? 

I captured her waist in my hands and started to place soft kisses on top of her bruises on her left hip. I would kiss them away if I could. I let my nose run over her skin too. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered in between my kisses. If I had known I was doing this to her… this was different than the biting. Why do I need to do this to her? 

I again let my nose run over her skin, it helped on the guilt. The more I kissed her, the more it started to help too. I kissed my way over to her right hip. Kissing her, let my nose run over her skin, kissing her. She began squirming her hips under me. She enjoyed it. It gave the nagging guilt the last smack back down. She pushed her hips up to meet my touch, and then she started to pull her jeans and panties down. Even though I had done this, she still wanted to continue. She was still here, and right now, she was lying in bed with me and taking off her clothes for me. It made me smile. I placed one more kiss on her hip before I pulled her jeans and panties the rest of the way off her and I crawled back up, sat between her legs to make sure she would keep them spread for me. Right now, I wanted to please her more than ever. I put my middle and ring finger into my mouth, but I saw it was actually unnecessary as she was already so wet. Slowly I let my fingers glide into her, she was so tight and warm. And Jesus Christ she was wet. She inhaled sharply, and her back arched from the mattress. Oh, she was a wonderful sight. 

I moved them slowly in and out of her a couple of times before I started to let my tongue run over her. Bending my fingers and added more pressure, making me hit that sweet spot, and instantly, her hands grabbed the sheets, and she moaned. I loved when I could make her writhe like that and just enjoyed the sight of her falling to pieces in my hands as I continued. Her back arched until she was sitting up and resting her weight on her palms with her head thrown back and moaning loudly. 

Oh, her breasts look good from this angle.

“Mmh… harder…” She moaned. 

Up until now, I had kept a slow rhythm. Prolonging it as much as possible. I stroked the inside of her more firmly and quicker, my tongue worked faster and more energetic on her. Her moans increased instantly, and her hips started to work with me. I didn’t want to grab her hip, it would hurt her, but her moving and squirming made it hard to work properly on her. My free hand traveled under her thigh and grabbed her waist instead. I got her motion to quiet down a little, but she still had some freedom of her movement. So I decided to change tactics. Instead of just licking, my lips closed around her and sucked while moving my tongue over her inside my mouth. 

“Oh God, yes!” She cried and pressed her legs against my sides. Revealing that she was close now. 

My shoulders moved up to keep her legs spread, I upped the tempo of my fingers, sucked harder and licked faster, but didn’t change tactics. The secret was if she’s close just keep doing what you’re doing because it obviously works. Don’t change it right at the last minute. 

Suddenly her arms gave in, and her back fell back onto the mattress with a bounce, but it had barely touched the bed before it instantly arched again and she grabbed the sheets. “Yes! Right there!” She yelled in a high-pitched tone. 

Oh baby, I know. Don’t you worry, I’m gonna make you come for me. I felt her legs starting to shake, and I moaned loudly for every time her hips pushed up. I knew she liked that. 

“Don’t… st… plss… keep… go-oh… pless…” 

I barely understood her, but I got the point. Her breath was rapid in between her cries, she bit her lip and muffled herself. Mm, just a little further. 

As her insides convulsed, she threw her head back in a high and long cry, scooted herself down the bed against my touch. Her legs pressed even harder on my shoulders and were quivering intensely. She almost ripped the sheets off the bed with her hands. 

What a sight! 

I had cooled down when I saw her hips, but now the lust was running through my veins like a frenzy. I felt a smirk spread on my face. Her cry slowly died out, but never stopped completely. My fingers and tongue tried to match the rhythm to her fading cry and her body relaxing. And stopped when she was quiet and laid still. 

I pulled my fingers out of her, my lips deviated upwards, kissed a path over her stomach, between her breasts, up her throat, and finished off with her chin. Taking my fingers, I have just had inside her into my mouth and sucked while I pushed them in and out of my mouth a couple of times, just for her to watch. But she tasted good. Her legs wrapped around me, her hands ran up my neck. She let her tongue run over her lower lip when she watched me. As I pulled them out and into her mouth, I led them in and out like I had just done with myself, and then pulled them out and let my saliva covered fingers stroke down her chin and throat. 

Oh, I wanted to be inside her. My left hand laid on her cheek, while the other guided me into her, and thereafter rested on her waist. She threw her head back and whimpered as I pushed inside her. God, her tightness overwhelmed me every time, the lust throbbed through my veins, but I kept the control and entered her slowly. Her sharp intake of breath puzzled me. She clenched her teeth, but the lusty look on her face had faded. It looked like she was in pain. But why? What did I do? “You okay?” I asked concerned. I held still, stroked her cheek with my thumb. My hand against her cheek felt her jaw muscles relax. 

“Yeah, it’s just…” Her green eyes found mine. She swallowed noticeably. “…I’m sore.” She bit her lip and looked almost apologizing at me. 

The equation quickly settled in my mind, the burning lust and need flowing in my veins turned to ice. I had fucked her so hard last time that she was still sore two days later. I’ve never done that before, this had never been a ‘problem.’ The problem was me, and the beast inside me that awakens as soon as the need and lust pulsated through me. God, I felt guilty. “Do you wanna stop?” I asked genuinely. Now where the overwhelming lust had vanished, I could think more clearly, though I still felt the blood pounding in my member inside her. If it really hurt that much, then maybe it was the best before I hurt her even more, and then the heavy guilt, and earning her forgiveness _again._

“No. But can we just… take it slow?” 

That she wanted to continue made me smile, then it couldn’t hurt _that_ much, though I could clearly see it did cause her a lot of discomfort. But of course, it was a sensitive area. I had been afraid it might hurt so badly she would start to cry when she first said she was sore, but it couldn’t be as bad as I had first feared, though this was worse enough. 

The lust started firing slowly again. But if I could treat her this gently up until now, I could continue down that path, couldn’t I? I didn’t have to tell her that I might not have been so gentle all the way through if she hadn’t said anything. “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?” I asked with raised eyebrows. I felt the smile widen on my lips. Yes, I could do this. Lock the beast in the cage, and find that part that wanted her deeply and devotedly I had started with again. 

“Good point.” She smiled back. 

I sealed my lips to hers and pulled slowly out, pressed gradually into her again. When I released her lips to let out a moan because of her tightness, she inhaled sharply. This clearly caused her discomfort, but she wanted to keep going. A thought hit me. I could tell her to stop me without her ever doubting my intention with it. I just hoped she would get the hint that it didn’t only apply to this time. I pushed the last way into her, held still and found her eyes. “Tell me if you wanna stop,” I told her profoundly. 

Please understand that you can draw this card at any time, because I can’t see when it’s time to stop by myself. 

“I will.” She nodded confidently. 

I breathed a camouflaged sigh of relief and kissed her as I pulled out. When I reached the apex, I withdrew my lips from hers and looked at her as I entered her again. No sharp breath, no clenched teeth. Her mouth just opened, but no sound came over her lips. I can do this. The lust tickled in me, but it hadn’t reached an alarming level. Again, I kissed her on the way out, looked into her eyes when I entered. The longer I kept this going, the more proud I got of myself. But it was a balancing act. I could enjoy this too, just let a little of the lust run free, but not enough to let it take over and cast her needs aside. I allowed myself feel how soft, warm, and tight she was around my pulsating member. Mm, her skin against mine. 

Small groans started to escape me every time I entered her, but I clenched my teeth together. The lusty look slowly returned to her face. I loved looking at her face. Her mouth open, her eyebrows pushed slightly together, pulling up her forehead, her eyes fluttering a time or two for every time I filled her. The more prominent it got on her face, the more the need blossomed in me, and the harder it became to contain the beast. But I kept my slow and gentle rhythm, though I felt how agitated I became the longer it went on as the lust now throbbed through me like a fever. 

Lock the beast in the cage, great idea there. I just forgot that sometimes the beast gets mad, no, infuriated when it’s encaged. I clenched my teeth harder and pressed my lips together, but the grunts still emerged from me. 

Take it slow, or you will hurt her, I told myself. Yes, that worked. Take it slow, or you will hurt her. Take it slow, or you will hurt her. I repeated it over and over as a mantra.

I felt the moisture break out on my forehead, and soon it ran down my back too. And especially where our skin was connected. Moans and gasps started to spill from her, up until now, silent open mouth. Oh, this didn’t help. But at least she was more comfortable now. 

Concentrate. Don’t let her distract you. Deep in, almost all the way out, deep in, almost all the way out. 

My breath was labored and panting because of the prolonging and keeping myself under control. Her hands caressed my forehead and down my temple to my jaw. I realized she was removing the sweat. It boiled inside me. Containing the need to take her hard and just let the beast free was really a strain. 

Take it slow, or you will hurt her, I repeated. Remember the guilt. It felt like I had been going on forever. Or maybe the strain made it seem more like hours. 

“You can go a little harder.” She said and let her hands run over my forehead again. 

Control. A part of me was ready to smack hard into her by those words, but that would hurt her. 

“Okay.” I nodded and swallowed thickly. I pushed a little harder into her, breaking the old rhythm, and continuing in a new one. She flinched slightly but then moaned. I repeated the mantra in my head. Though each of her moans fueled the need pumping red hot through my veins. My breath quickly became more rapid. I felt like I was only hanging by a thread. Closing my eyes, I let my head drop down on her chest while I concentrated. Her fingers ran through my moist hair, up and down. I pushed my rapid breath out through my clenched teeth. I don’t know if her skin was damp, or if it was just my sweat soaking her. 

“A little harder.” Her words were a blessing. 

Oh, thank God. I pushed so deep into her I moved her at least an inch up the bed, and she moaned higher than the other times. It felt so good to go more firmly into her. My right arm grabbed around her waist and pulled her the inch back down as I glided out of her. When I pushed into her again, I lifted my head to look at her. Pushing as deep as before, moving her whole body. And then pulled her down with me again. Our bodies were like one moving up and down. 

Take it slow… 

My left hand glided from her cheek to the back of her neck and grabbed her hair as I usually do. It slipped through, and I couldn’t stop it. But my pace into her didn’t change, almost to my own surprise. 

Take it slow, or you will hurt her, I repeated more intensely the closer I got to my climax. Keep the beast away. Slowly. Look at her. 

There was no trace of discomfort in her face. Please tell me to go harder on you. She has done it twice now, maybe I was lucky. I started playing with my lower lip, biting in it, letting my tongue run over it. Please give me permission. I don’t know how much more I can take of this strength test. It felt like my mind wasn’t my own, tangled into suppressed lust and a furiously needy beast. My grip on her tightened, and I let out a rawer grunt when a little of my self-control slipped. All I wanted to do was thrust so hard into her until I came. 

“Are you close?” She whispered. I couldn’t determine her tone or face. Right now, I didn’t care. But I had to. I nodded and bit my lower lip to prevent me from saying ‘yes, I wanna wreck you, and come so deep and hard inside of you, you’ll never forget it.’ My sympathy, my control was close to going out the drain right now. 

“Then you can go harder, but not too hard.” 

Thank God! I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against her chest again. 

Not too hard. 

I pushed into her with a groan, harder than I intended. And I heard her gasp. The next push into her was again harder, and I heard her cry out, but I couldn’t stop. I only had a shred of self-control left, and I used it on not thrusting as hard as I could into her. I lifted my head again to take a look at her, maybe if her face was pure pain I could cool down. But it wasn’t. Her lusty face looked back at me. Involuntarily I tightened my grip on her hair. 

I can’t fuck you as hard as I want, but I can still control you. 

I pushed harder into her, she whimpered as the pain fluttered over her face, and she dug her nails into my scalp. It brought me back for a second. I had almost accomplished this. It wasn’t flawless, I know. We both just had to hold on for another moment. I was so close. If she knew that there wasn’t much time left, she might be able to endure it. “I’m done in a minute,” I promised. 

She nodded, accepted the deal that she just had to hold out for another moment and it will all be over. My forehead fell down on her chest again. Oh, so close. I felt my self-control shatter. My teeth scraped over her collarbone, ready to sink into her skin. I pushed harder, harder, harder… my control vanished, and I gave her an uncontrolled hard and deep thrust with a raw groan when I came and emptied myself inside her. When I heard her shriek, I immediately felt bad. “You okay?” I asked breathlessly while still pressing my forehead against her chest. 

“Yeah.” She panted, but it sounded confident. 

Good. At least I had somehow controlled myself enough not to bite her. I pulled out of her and slowly caught my breath. I felt drained and exhausted. We had been at it for a lot longer than usually. I felt my heart racing in my chest, a lot faster than hers. 

After a minute or two, I raised my head and kissed her. Pulled my arm out from underneath her, released my grip on her hair, and captured her face with my hands. You are so wonderful. I let her lips go and rested my head on her chest, my hands just laid tired on the mattress. I still hadn’t caught my breath yet. She moved and then sighed before she laid still again. 

When my heart slowly had returned to a steady pace, I lifted my head, put my right elbow on the mattress, and rested my head in my palm. She opened her eyes, and we locked gazes. She looked almost as exhausted as I felt. “You look tired,” I stated. The index finger on my free hand traced down the bridge of her nose to her nose tip, and she sighed. 

“You do too.” She copied me, gave me a tap on my nose tip. 

I couldn’t help but smile. Before I stood up, I deftly gave her a kiss. She laid halfway on the blanket on the left side. She looked too tired to get up, so I wanted to tuck her in under it. “Roll over,” I said when I had walked to the left side, and grabbed the edges of the blanket. 

“I’m not a dog.” She complained and snickered. 

Oh, I could quickly find a collar and a leash for you. Where did that come from? I was baffled by my own thoughts as I put the blanket over her and kissed her nose. It had never been a fantasy of mine to dominate someone like I dominated Val, but here I was doing it. And the humiliation by being put in a collar and leash, I’d never had those tendencies before. Sadistic was what came to my mind. 

I turned off the light and got under the covers. My hands found her body under the blanket and dragged her into my arms. Buried my nose in her hair and inhaled her smell. The smell of her, lavender, sex, and sweat. It was even more intoxicating now. “I need you,” I said while my nose was deep in her hair. 

“I need you too.” She slowly responded. She fell asleep in a matter of minutes. I knew she didn’t sleep well in the car, I didn’t know why, though. I slept just fine in a car seat, I was just a little stiff in my back, shoulders, and neck when I woke, but nothing else. 

I didn’t remove my nose from her hair again. It was like she gave life to the encapsulation in a direct line when I held her like this. And when I had kissed her skin and let my hands run over her body, and she had kissed me, and caressed me, and I had fucked her gently. Or was it just normally? I couldn’t remember, again it felt like it was from a different life. It was so long ago. It felt out of reach, I felt different, it was like I was another person. Like I had died and had been reincarnated in a dark, twisted way. Those thoughts made the demons move around, trying to break free of the barrier. I pushed them away and just concentrated on her smell and her slow breathing instead.

**Author's Note:**

> If this piece of work interest you, read the original story [Here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9276518/chapters/21022607)  
> Genre is erotic fantasy and I promise you dirty sex from chapter 1 ;)


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